Relationships/Connections/Identity Therapy Blog:

You’re turning over in bed, feeling like the person next to you is barely someone you recognize. Maybe you fight? Are there trust, addiction, depression or anxiety issues? Do you and your partner(s) struggle with monogamy vs poly or open relationship? Or you know your family is supposed to be your home base and your foundation of support and love; but its so difficult to see through the distance and fighting. Maybe you and your bestie are falling apart and know you want to get back where you were. Are you struggling with coming out? Part of your relationship with another person is what you can talk about. Can you be yourself? Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. These can be healthy or left behind for your stronger self. Take the first step. Give a click!

**If you are in a situation where you do not feel safe, then click here: https://www.google.com/search?q=domestic+violance&oq=domestic+violance+&aqs=chrome..69i57.18806j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8.

It will take you to some resources for shelters, which can also include counselors. Being safe can lead to everything else, including a healthy self. This is not your only option and you do deserve better. Feel free to click around. Want to talk about it, without going to a shelter? I hope you’ll give me a call.

#Relationship #Relationshipcounseling #Relationshiptherapy #Relationshipcoaching #Idenitycounseling #nonmonogamous #LGBTQAI+ #Friendship #Friendshipcounseling #Friendshiptherapy #Family #Familycounseling #Familytherapy

Relationship or Connections Management

New Relationship Energy or NRE:

Have you ever heard of the Honeymoon period (HMP)? New Relationship Energy (NRE) is similar, but different. The HMP can be at the beginning of the relationship/connection, after something positive changes or progresses or even when getting to see each other after a long time of being apart. NRE is specific to the beginning of the relationship.

You’re excited. Lighting bolts somehow co-exist with butterflies in your body. And you are probably also scared, you’ll be hurt (again). All these things are common and natural. You find yourself dedicating more time and energy to the relationship then you may have originally thought was a good idea. You sacrifice sleep, other connections, and sometimes other important things (maybe canceling an appointment or something, for more time with this new connection). If there are any red flags they will probably get noticed later; along with other possible differences and annoyances.

It’s important to be aware of what’s happening, during this time. Take steps back and realize what you might be sacrificing. These things and connections may be crucial to you; do not let that go. If self-care and independence is left by the wayside this will leave you further open to pain and co-dependency. These things that you may be sacrificing will need to be there for you, especially if your new relationship goes south, or when it has difficulties. However pushing them away now will make it more difficult to reintegrate them back into your life later. Give yourself time and space, so you can evaluate and not ignore red flags or important differences. This connection could be one of the best things that ever happened to you! But how you and this other person work through things will teach you a lot about yourself and your possible further with them.

Connections Managing

Outgoing/Friendly:

Are you shy? Do you get nervous or anxious, talking with others? Do you have trouble making friends, deepening friendships and/or other connections? What am I doing? I’m asking questions. It’s a way to start and it’s a way to continue. Questions show interest, continue a conversation, help you learn about the other person or a situation and get your brain moving in a direction.

Questions are great! You don’t have to say anything about yourself or produce knowledge. Also, anything can be turned into a question. Get inspiration from the current conversation or the environment. Think about things that are important to you; then ask questions and find out what you might have in common!

This may spark questions from the other person. This could lead to a continuing connection as similar interests, understanding and learning continue. Is it getting easier? Are you less connected to your nervousness, getting swept up in the conversation? Or did things stall? You can try again, or maybe the chemistry or commonalities aren’t there. That’s ok, try this with someone else.

Did a question come up, that you’re not comfortable with? That may happen too. You could take a risk and answer it anyway, or maybe you’re not ready for that yet. Then simply say you don’t feel comfortable talking about that. Someone who is looking to become a healthy connection will look to understand this. If not, empower the connection with yourself, be assertive (which will be explained further in another blog) and/or walk away.

Could you identify? Want help with this or other issues? Keep reading or call or e-mail to schedule a free 20 min consultation!

Connections Blog

People Pleaser:

Are you a people pleaser? Do you mainly think about what others want and try to fulfill that? Sometimes we think this will help us make and keep friends, significant others and good relations with family members. We care about these people and our connections with them, so we want to make them happy. This also may be influenced by how you were raised, your past and cultural beliefs.

Wanting to help others and being able to, is a beautiful thing. It can lead to that other person having a better day or even life and a stronger connection, between you two. Sometimes it also helps the helper take their mind off their own problems and reminds them of a reason to be here, in that moment.

However, sometimes we need to still think of ourselves. Basic selfcare comes first; without this we can’t expect to be there for others. Sometimes we may need or want other things as well and that’s ok. Its natural. If we take time and energy to fulfill our own needs and sometimes wants. Without this we will lose the energy we need to help others and make them happy. We wont be replenishing ourselves and can only last so long in this state. Often times, we need to communicate our needs so others can understand and possibly help us. Connections are the most deep, real, healthy and close when all parties communicate, respect, care for and help each other and still not forget or push down themselves.

Do you feel like you can relate? Feel free to read more or schedule a 20 min free consultation, by calling or e-mailing me!

Connections Managing

Support:

Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t have friends” or “Friends are what got me here.” -And “here” is a bad place, sometimes a criminal record or drug and alcohol addiction. Have you said that? Maybe you’ve been hurt. Betrayed or left behind…

There have been times where we’ve all walked away from a connection wondering if that connection was a healthy one or knowing that it wasn’t. Sometimes we’re hurt but know there was also so much we gained from this connection that was good for us. These ones make this navigating the hardest.

No one is perfect, but regardless of your prior experiences there are people who will help build you up, rather then bring you down. Sometimes finding them can be hard. You feel hurt and may push others away. The world and life aren’t easy, creating a pull towards unhealthy things. If you experienced these others its not something you did; they are battling their own demons and unfortunately, possibly losing.

In any healthy connection its not your job to save anyone, but be there and help as you can, without forgetting about yourself. Anyone who inspires that is the best place to start, when looking for good friends.

Going through this journey of life, more along is hard. Without healthy supports we may feel alone, trapped, singled out… It keeps you hurting all the time. This can also lead to treating others with apathy, or worse, active addiction for some companionship and other issues.

People who are truly toxic for you are the ones you don’t want to have. However, others who do try to be a good presence in each other’s lives help keep us in a good place and have some to reflect and bounce off of a prove that we are not alone in this. Some this lasts, comes and goes or just goes. There are many variables involved here. But even if you have to walk away, you can know that you both tried, for yourselves and each other.

Is this something you’d like to talk about or hash out? Want help with other issues? Keep reading or call or e-mail to schedule a free consultation!